Teetering on the Brink of Despair

Teetering on the Brink of Despair
Saturday, January 31, 2009

During these past few days, I have been completely under the weather. I have not been sick per se, but I have been distraught over recent realizations about people, which led me to a deep, disturbing understanding about me and certain relationships I have and had. The gathering of ideas and the conclusions I drew from my analysis culminated in a saddening experience that has either broken or strengthened a friendship that was maturing.

Through constant analysis, I was able to reevaluate my purpose in life and the purpose others have in it. I was able to see clearly the delusions I have had about who people are and what I believe about people in general. I was able to see through the fog that obscured my view and understanding. When the cloud lifted, my world both fell apart and grew to new heights all at the same time. It is a maddening experience.

Every now and then, I get extremely depressed about my life and the path it has gone down. Sometimes these bouts last for days, while other times, they last for weeks. For some reason my discontenting outlook has lasted for a few months. The worst part of it is that I could determine why I was feeling as I did. I was just moseying along, day by day, feeling downtrodden. Not only could I not find figure out why I was down, I could not figure out how to bring myself out of such a rut. It has been miserable to say the least.

My mind, these past few weeks, has been scouring the depths of its being, like a ravenous beast looking for its first meal after traversing the desert for days on end, in order to come to an understanding that would eliminate the horrendous burden placed upon my shoulders. Just when I believe I have completed my long journey through the treacherous heat of despair, I find that what I have clung onto as reality was just an obscure relation between fact and fiction that fallaciously led me down the path of ambiguity. It was a misstep that ultimately made the truth that much more devastating. Questioning the verity of the situation became a necessity and an itch that I could not scratch until my phone call last night.

To read more of today's blog, go to Read My Mind: The Blog.

posted by Rosko @ 6:33 PM 0 comments

Friend Mode (An Excerpt)

Friend Mode
Thursday, January 29, 2009

I am a person that likes to plan out everything. I try to look at life as a big chess match. Each move can be foreseen even though each movement your opposition makes can create a new outcome. I have come to the realization that when dealing with others, you cannot foresee every aspect of the interaction, even if there are predictable portions.

As I have said many times before, I have met a wonderful lady. She has gotten me out of my regular routine. It was a routine that I comforted me. It was predictable. I knew that “A” plus “B” equaled “C.” I knew who I was. I knew what was coming next.

Well, when S. and I really began conversing on the phone, my romantic attraction grew. My interest in her created a new, sensational feeling that I have had ever. The feelings I have when I talk to her exceed everything thing that I have ever felt. The only issue I have is I feel like I no longer have control....

For more, go to Read My Mind: The Blog.

posted by Rosko @ 4:26 PM 0 comments

My Blogs Here

Dear Readers,

After further consideration, I will continue to blog here. There were a few people that looked forward to being able to see my blogs on here.

I believe that what I will do for the future is:

1. Post snippets of my blog on my site here, so that you can see what I have going on.

2. Use my blogs to have dialogue with all of my friends that is different from my site.

I wanted to apologize to those that looked forward to my writings. I didn't think through my plan. I hope that I can mend the heartbreak.

Sincerely,

Rosko
My Intellectual Mind

posted by Rosko @ 4:19 PM 0 comments